Teach Early Years - Issue 14.2

MOLLY POTTER IS A QUALIFIED TEACHER AND BEST-SELLING AUTHOR How do we teach consent? that some actions can make us feel uncomfortable. To do this, I always start with the idea of hugs and how welcome they might be. I ask children to consider if they are always happy to be hugged. I explore this further by asking if there are ever any times at home when they might not feel comfortable being hugged (e.g. when full of cold). Also, I ask them to speculate about people they might feel uncomfortable receiving a hug from – like someone they didn’t know that well, someone who hugged them too tightly, or a stranger. I then make it clear that if anyone touches them in a way they don’t like, they have a right to make it stop (and need to keep telling adults about what’s happening until one of them makes it stop). I explain that permission, which can also be called consent, should always be sought for being hugged by others or hugging others at nursery and school. The same applies to all kinds of touching. Next I explore other actions that might also need consent. As a general rule, if it’s an action that could affect another’s body, feelings or belongings, we need to ask for consent. If it’s a choice that only affects us or that’s about being respectful or kind to others, it’s not usually a matter for consent. I would jumble up the following and ask children if they think each action would require consent or not: Probably needs consent (could make someone feel uncomfortable) Tickling someone Sitting really closely to someone Drinking water from someone else’s water bottle Sharing someone’s address Sharing someone’s news that they told you Making up and using a nickname for someone Unlikely to need consent (very unlikely to make someone uncomfortable) Saying hello to someone Waving to someone Asking someone who looks sad if they are okay Deciding you don’t want to play a game any more Going and sitting quietly on a bench I also spend some time considering the need to respect another person’s “no” when they say it, as this can feel like a rejection to some children. I make O ur relationship with the word “no” can be complex. As children, many of us picked up the message that saying no, refusing or declining was not the right thing to do! So with this in mind, how do we talk to children about the times when it is totally okay, or in fact, a good idea, to say “no”? Consent is all about protecting our boundaries: the imaginary line over which people should not cross without first receiving permission. With adults these relate to unreasonable expectations, inconsiderate assumptions and/or actions that intrude on our physical and mental comfort. With children, however, the boundaries they might struggle with tend to relate to touch, personal space, use of possessions, not taking turns, sharing others’ information, exerting aggression and ignoring “stop” or “no”. Confusion sometimes arises with consent when we think it’s just about empowering children to say no without defining the times that are not a matter of consent – such as when a trusted adult asks you to do something that keeps you healthy, safe or helps you learn/do something useful! This can be explored with children by considering why adults ask children to do a variety of things. For example: Clean your teeth Go to bed at bedtime Help with the washing up Walk when you cross the road Tidy your room Don’t eat too many sweets Get ready for school To teach young children about consent we need to consider the idea Molly Potter shares tips on teaching children to protect their own boundaries and respect those of others… 44 Teachearlyyears.com