Teach-Primary-Issue-19.1

Chapter 3, pages 15-16 www.teachwire.net | 57 15-16 At the entrance to the yard, I am stopped at the gatehouse by the guard. He is a gruff chap with dark red hair and beady pale eyes. “What do you want, lad?” he grunts, towering over me. He looks like he’s built out of bricks, not flesh. “I’m here to see Mr George Stephenson,” I squeak. “Name?” I’m tempted to say I’m the Bishop of Newcastle or the King of Persia, but think better of it. “Edward Entwistle.” He grunts again. Then ushers me on my way. I pass through an archway and gape in amazement at the smiths’ shop, where men with arms like hams hold red hot tongs over blazing fires. I can feel the heat; smell it. My heart races with anticipation. I have never been anywhere like this before! It is thrilling. Continuing on, I reach a long brick building with large archways open to the elements and a tall chimney which seems to be the centre of the works. Machinery parts and wheels are lined up against the wall. I cover my ears at the loud clanging and hammering that echo through the vast space. Passing a large crank, I enter the manufactory itself. The room is crowded with locomotive parts. I am in awe. Everywhere is a hive of activity. Robust men in shirt sleeves are absorbed in their tasks. There is a potent tang of oil, steam and sweat in the air. Every space is crammed with gears and pulleys and other machinery. Will I be expected to learn how to operate them all? Imagine that! I rub my hands together. What will I do first? Extract from T E ACH RE AD I NG & WR I T I NG Edward is small for his age (14). His size becomes important in a later scene, so I wanted to remind the reader of that here, with the verb 'towering'. It also shows that Edward is out of his comfort zone. Careful placing of key information can stop a later dramatic scene from being overloaded with information. This captures Edward’s reaction to a new environment. 'Clanging' and 'hammering' give a sense of the noise, and help us feel what Edward is sensing. Visiting similar locations can be helpful when trying to write about places and times that no longer exist. I have to take care not to use all my research, though, as too many details/facts can bore the reader! This line adds a bit of humour, Edward and I use it to break the tension in this scene. The fact this line is thought not spoken, lets me reaffirm that Edward is realising his white lies and bragging can get him into bother - and in this new situation he is on his best behaviour. Here I am trying to paint a picture for the reader through Edward’s eyes. Using a longer list of things builds the sense that this new world is overwhelming - and thrilling. It is a balancing act knowing how much description to use. Too much and a reader may skip over something you wanted them to notice. This simile has a double purpose. Bricks are not just strong and tough (like the guard), but they also reflect the environment Edward is in. I wanted to contrast his former life - small village - with the industrial here. I originally wrote Wrong Tracks in the third person and past tense. But I wanted the reader to be in his head (and heart) - and for the action to unfurl in real time. Changing tense and POV helps the reader explore this new world with Edward. The use of a passive verb - I am stopped - emphasises the main character’s lack of power in contrast to the guard’s. This section finishes with Edward’s internal dialogue. The use of the verb 'rub' shows Edward’s determination. I wanted the reader to be on Edward’s side and to will for him to succeed. But will his confidence last? Ending on a question is a trick writers can use to encourage the reader to read on! This description is full of excitement and the new. The simile - arms like hams - uses a comparison with something ordinary from Edward’s world. The wrong simile (if anachronistic) can jolt the reader from the story. Remember to check the etymology of any words that you suspect may be too new for your chosen time period.