Teach Primary Issue 18.4

often the best indicator as to how they are feeling. Adults sometimes feel afraid to say words like ‘dead’, ‘death’ and ‘dying’, to young children, thinking alternatives such as ‘passed’, ‘lost’ or ‘gone to sleep’ are less harsh. However, euphemisms often cause confusion and frustration, particularly for younger children who are very concrete in their thinking: ‘passed’ – where to? ‘lost’ – can we look for them? ‘gone to sleep’ – will I die when I go to sleep? Children find it easier to have information given in clear, accurate, age-appropriate language. Using ‘dead’ and ‘death’, with a simple biological explanation is much clearer. Try phrasing the concept as ‘the heart stops beating, the lungs are no longer breathing and the brain does not work anymore’, or ‘when someone is dead, their body doesn’t work anymore and they no longer feel hot, cold or any pain, nor do they need food or drink’. It’s also important to check a pupil’s understanding of the words people use to describe what has happened. Although children may repeat words they have been told by adults, such as ‘heart attack’ (who attacked the heart?) or ‘stroke’ (like stroking a pet?) they might not necessarily understand the meaning. A bereaved pupil may experience new rituals surrounding the death, such as religious services and funerals; alternatively, they may not be included in the events, and just hear what happened through conversation. Children need opportunities to ask questions and receive age-appropriate information. It can help a bereaved pupil if their friends are aware what has happened, so it’s important to encourage them to share their news, even if it is only with their closest friends. Be prepared – a bereavement policy It’s much easier to think about how to respond following a death if it’s been thought about beforehand. A bereavement policy can offer guidance for all staff when dealing with death, grief and bereavement. Having a ‘bereavement-aware’ culture will ensure that all members of the school community feel supported. It’s important to be mindful of social media and the indiscriminate spread of news. As every school is different and every situation unique, the policy should be a flexible working document. It could include: • Draft outlines of documents, such as letter templates. • Resources to support bereaved pupils, other pupils, vulnerable staff, family/carers. • Designated roles and responsibilities, for example who will communicate with the family, staff, pupils or press (if required). Visit lgfl.net and childbereavementuk.org for more guidance. TP 64 | www.teachwire.net Support guidelines Bereaved children are much better placed to manage their grief when supported in school as well as at home. • Check in regularly to see how things are for them. Try asking specific questions about their friends, schoolwork or how their family or carers are. • When appropriate, mention the person who died. It can be very strange for a child when nobody ever talks about their special person. • Activities such as creating a memory box help provide a connection to the person who has died, as the child continues to move on with their life. • Be sensitive to significant anniversary dates and check in to make sure the child is managing their grief. • Try to prepare the bereaved pupil before a lesson where the topics of death or grief may be raised. • Remember that bereavement is forever. From time to time the child may need more support as they process the impact the death has had on their life. Bereaved families may also look to school for help and guidance. Grieving adults can sometimes struggle to support their child and manage their own grief. • Share information with families and carers. Building and maintaining relationships with a bereaved family means information and support can be shared between home and school. • Signpost support organisations and resources, where necessary. • If there are safeguarding or risk issues, refer to the school policy on what action to take. For a comprehensive, free-to-access training tool for schools, created in collaboration with CBUK, please visit childbereavement.lgfl.org.uk Bob Usher is content manager at LGfL-The National Grid for Learning. lgfl.net Tracey Boseley is head of Education Sector Support at Child Bereavement UK (CBUK). childbereavementuk.org